Everytime you give in to yourself, you play the "blame, shame, and self-defeat" role.
You are not a victim. You made your choices. Own them. No excuses. Because if you don't get out of this mental mind f* you will be stuck in the never-ending cycle of being determined, then happy, then frustrated at the slightest mishap, then an explosion of emotions, then you forgive yourself for that episode and everything is fine again. You play pretend and ignore your issues some more. Everything is fine. You're happy. Then a trigger hits and it starts again. The pent up frustration, followed by explosion, then making it up to yourself again and trying to find time away to regroup. Finally you come back happy again.... and it starts again... you get the point.
Get unstuck! Get out of the viscious cycle of co-dependency built for one!
The reward is not in looking back on your life. No matter what's happened to you. Because even if someone else is to blame for your pain, there's nothing that you can do. Looking back serves no purpose unless it's to learn what got you into this mess and how to get out of it.
I recently read an article in Reader's Digest about a POW held captive for seven years. Each day he planned how he would escape.
He saved himself. In another country. With no help.
Now that he's escaped his torment, he isn't going back to his captivators asking them to 'understand, forgive, love, or explain' why they did what they did. He isn't asking them if he could have done something differently. He isn't keeping open lines of communication. The damage was done. He survived. He's ready to move on.
His story is extrodinary however, you're a POW too. Only the prison is in the power of your mind.
We all need encouragment, guidance, acceptance for who we are, and love. And you have that now. You have it right here, you have it through meetings you can attend, and you have it in other people's stories of leaving a life that sucks behind.
It's your turn to conquer your captivator. The captivator is your mind!
(and how you've allowed someone to manipulate every thought you've ever had.)
Be your own hero. Save yourself. You are fully capable.
Where is the reward of being rescued when once again you are at the mercy, good or bad, of someone else being responsible for the good or bad in your life?
Isn't it time you had the ultimate say? Isn't it time to take control of your life?
I certainly think so.
"But, Victoria, how? How do I save myself?...It's sooooo hard!!"
I know. I've been there. We all have.
Ask the Universe to illuminate the steps to get you out of the rut you're in.
No one has the answers for you. Make a plan. Start sorting out what you want for your life. Dream about the life you want and seek it out. The rest follows.
Prince Charmings will come. Guarunteed.
Only this time, because you've ALREADY saved yourself, you can sort through men in Prince Charming's clothes playing pretend and those who actually deserve their place in your life.